Countdown to Baby!

Hello Sweet BOY!

Nope, didn't forget you. You are on my mind each moment of every day. However Mommy's blog did some funny things and I wasn't able to come in and write you for a while. But the glitch has been fixed and here I am.

So what's new? Well, besides the point that you can now breathe on to your own (testament to the daily rounds of hiccups I feel in my belly, which I LOVE) you have stopped moving quite so much which tells me that you are a wee but crowded in there. I understand- it's crowded out here too. Mom is big bellied and tired. I can feel you many times wedged up under my ribs. THAT is not a fun thing Baby, so if possible, please keep your little feeties off to one side, ok? Mommy has also been through so new experiences this pregnancy, which makes me wonder about how different and similar you'll be compared to your big brother and sister. For the first time Mommy is experiencing heartburn. OUCH. There are also many late nights in my room due to insomnia and leg cramps and sciatica. This has definitely been a rough 9 months, but I am beyond positive that once I see you and hold you and smell you and LOVE you in my arms I know that if given the option I would do it all over again to have you.

You are due at the end of August. I had hoped you might come a bit earlier to make it easier on me to help Andrew and Ellie transition into school with a little less pain on my part, but now I am thinking you are in there hanging on for dear life, just like they did. However, like it or not (and we are THRILLED by the way) you ARE coming out by the end of the month. So I thought I'd let you take a peek at some of the things we've been doing to prepare for your arrival!

SHOPPING, SHOPPING, SHOPPING is what I have been doing! Okay, not that much, but I have been stocking up on things we no longer have or needed replaced. Tiny diapers and wipes, baby medicines and new bottles (just in case you prefer different packaging on your meals like your sister did), new pump accessories (again, thanks to Ellie we HAVE the pump available!), cute toys. Nana had a baby shower for you and so many who love you were there! Nana and Grammie, Auntie Karen and Auntie Laura, Aunt Sissy and cousins Delaney and Kelsey, Aunt Carrie, Mandy and Kayle and of course Mommy and Ellie. Grammie made you a BEAUTIFUL quilt (which Mommy will be very careful with) and Daddy sent in a package too- a big box of all my "must haves" when I was carrying all three of you- cheese and cokes from when I carried Andrew, coke and Butterfinger bars from when I carried Ellie and a MILLION Almond Joy Bars from you! At the bottom of the box was a pretty purple flower necklace. It's center was a tiny diamond cluster and it has purple petals- one for each of us. Our family of FIVE.

Though gifts are exciting and fun to open (who doesn't love tiny booties and diapers?!) they pale in comparison to you, sweet thing. It is so incredibly hard knowing we are so close to meeting face to face yet there are three weeks left till that. I promise to continue loving you and caring for you on the inside until you make your arrival and we can touch face to face, hand to hand and begin our life together as an even greater family.

We love you.

Hiccups!

Hello sweetie!

It's been so long, but rest assured that Mommy has NOT forgotten you! We have been preparing for your arrival. We also have been working with Miss Tiffany and her new family. Next year, right around Halloween Mommy will go back to babysitting for Miss Tiffany's children- just like she did this year. However Miss Tiffany was expecting a new baby too- and baby Angela arrived a wee bit early to surprise us all! She was born in June even though her due date wasn't until the end of July. So, barring all complications, she and her big brother Roman (you'll LOVE him!) will be coming to our house a few mornings a week to play. YEA!

As for you baby, many things have been happening. Mommy has been privy to, and these are just a few: charlie horses in the legs and feet (OUCH), sciatica (OUCH), loss of appetite and then HUGE appetites are just a couple of the big ones. All ones I would gladly go through again to make sure you got here safely. But the biggest monumental moment for me so far happened on July 3rd, around 8:30pm. Daddy and I were out with friends seeing a movie and in the middle of one of my favorite scenes a tiny, yet rythmic thumping began in my belly. After about 10 seconds of absolute I surprise I figured out that you had the hiccups for the very first time! Well, at least the first time that I could feel them as well! And Daddy put his hand on my belly and felt them too! It was such a special moment for all three of us and it made me realize that your arrival is even closer than I thought. And THAT makes me so happy...

You have had the hiccups at least once every day since then! And everyone is eager to meet you. For Mommy's birthday Grammie and Aunt Carrie took her downtown to the Taste of Chicago. It was a lot of walking and it was hot, but fun! And that night they threw me a mini baby shower for you! Auntie Karen was there with Jen and Kelsey and Aunt Laura too! Some of Mom's favorite gifts were the blue octopus robe from Carrie, the teaching clock from Grammie and the blue stripped hoodie one piece outfit from the Lang girls. Such a fun weekend.

So YES- we are anxious for your arrival. And don't tell Daddy but I think we are all pretty close to settled on your name. You will be our sweet little Ian Robert. How does that work for you? We've narrowed our search for the perfect name to Oliver, Ethan and Ian. So far, EVERYONE we've quizzed ALL like Ian the most. And that's Daddy's favorite. And Mommy loves you so much anyway it doesn't matter to me what you are called Sweet Boy. So unless you arrive looking way more like a Chirstopher or a Emmett or something, we'll stick with Ian for now.

Love you baby. Keep cooking, keep hiccuping and Mommy will see you soon!

It's a BOY!

Dearest baby, should you ever read this blog and wonder why Momma is so crazy this will hopefully give you the answers you seek.

Yesterday was a VERY emotional day for all of us- we saw you once again, and for the last time, until your official arrival. And we learned MANY things about you: you are INCREDIBLY active (which Momma knew), you are currently in a very awkward position, you DO NOT like showing your face, you are a little boy and are perfect in every measurable way.

Unfortunately I do not have the pictures I had hoped to post of you today because you had your little fists ground into your eyes the entire time we had the ultrasound being performed. The poor technician tried every trick in the book to get you to move but your little hands stayed exactly where you wanted them. So, we do not have any pictures to share. I was sad about that- I was so looking forward to meeting your face!

As for the reaction of "it's a boy" I'll have to say it was met with some mixed reviews. Big brohter Andrew is, of course thrilled. Though he is a little incertain about sharing his room... Daddy was surprised- he had thought you to be a girl. Mommy was so relieved that everything was where it should be and that you appeared very healthy, aside from your strange position in my tummy. Little sister Ellie on the other hand, was extremely upset that you were not the baby sister she had asked for. She very much wanted another girl, and when she was told you were a boy she immediately broke into tears.

I know that she doesn't understand right now, but she will. Let me tell you that as soon as she holds you, feeds you, smells and kisses you, your little sister (or your Momma or Daddy or anyone for that matter) will see nothing but the purely perfect little boy you are and we will love you so much that you'll be bursting with it!

Now comes the oh so difficult part of choosing a name for you, sweet boy. I can only hope that we do you justice...

To Know or not to Know...

The Big Day approaches Baby! In about 48 hours your mom, dad, brother and sister will be headed to the most important date next to your birth- ultrasound day! I have looked forward to this day for so long and this has been such a looong weekend waiting for it!

Our appointment is at 6:15 and we decided to bring Andrew and Ellie along with us because they are about as eager and Mommy and Daddy to find out who you really are in there! I was told by the nice lady who made our appointment that we could get a few 4D images of you if you were cooperative so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE be good! These images of your little face and hands and feet are all that we have to last us until you arrive in August! That seems so far away...

My purpose in writing to you today is one of catharsis- I need to confess to you that I am a little afraid to find out who you are in there. Of course we love you, we will ALWAYS love you. LOVE doesn't even seem big enough a word for what we feel for you already! But Daddy VERY much wants to know if you are a boy or a girl. I, on the other hand, am afraid to find out for fear that I will be disappointed. Now before everyone judges me, let me explain. YOU are my last baby. The last time I will feel life grow from within me. The last time I will experience the joy of meeting you for the first time after FEELING you for so many months. The last of my sleepless nights spent nursing and cuddling. The last of tiny newborn diapers and baby wipes. The last time encouraging that first smile, first laugh. So many "lasts." And I know that when I hear "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" will be a sad moment for me because there won't be anymore of those. And while I am so excited to be able to KNOW you, name you and pick out cute clothes for you I am sad that your birth will not be one of surprise as I had hoped. But I have to remember Daddy and his feelings too. For him, this is the only way he feels he can know you- to plan for you. I will admit that I DO think you are a boy and I am eager for those days when your little boy's eyes belong only to me-when I am your universe. Such a sweet, sweet fullfillment! And I will admit that I am also secretly wishing for one more round of pink. Of more days of dress up and tea parties and long hair to brush. But there is only one of you in there, so pink or blue it is. But I feel I will always be thinking about one more round of the opposite. It seems so selfish.

I feel GUILTY for feeling this way. The truth is that I wish ONLY for 10 finger and toes and a healthy little body with a big heart. That's all I want. But knowing you are my last makes me wish for more- more pink, more blue. I want to be thrilled by you, not sad that you are my last. So I am focusing on being thankful- for you, for health, for days to come.

Know now sweet one that boy or girl, we will love you beyond words. But don't be surprised if talk comes up now and then about making you into a big brother or sister! :) Though Daddy would give me the moon if he could I think he very much wants to keep you our special child- our final masterpiece. The part that completes us all and makes us a FAMILY of FIVE.

Keep cooking, Kiddo. Next time I write I will hopefully have new pictures of you to post so we can look back on the days when you were so tiny you fit into my belly! LOVE YOU!

Little Stirings

Hello baby!

I have truly nothing new to report. It's a gorgeous, sunny, almost 60 degree day outside and I SHOULD be out enjoying the weather and soaking up the sun, but I am here writing to you instead. Good trade I think! :) Truthfully your Big Brother likes his "alone" time so he can play his beloved video games (which I allow, but has a time limit) and your Big Sister is napping so I DO have a little time on my hands.

OH! I guess I DO have something to talk about! This weekend Daddy caught "the baby bug" and decided to turn one small corner of our bedroom into the "Midgie Suite." We had talked about how we would handle the sleeping arrangements when you came home and came to the conclusion that you and Momma will be sharing a room for a while and Daddy will be "visiting" but not sleeping in there with us. Kind of sad, but practical and Momma always says she is NOTHING if not practical! When Andrew was born we lived in a different house- one bedroom was his and one was ours. That was it- only two! Because he was our first OF COURSE he slept in our room at night. But after a while Daddy began to resemble a zombie because he had to work each day while Momma was home with him and each evening he would wake Daddy up because your brother got LOUD when he was hungry! So we sadly let Andrew start sleeping in his beautiful crib and I came to him each night to nurse. We missed his sweet little baby noises but it was so much better for Daddy.

Then your Big Sister was born and although she didn't nurse like Andrew did, she still got up nightly for many feeding sessions. She of course slept in our room until she was ready to sleep in her crib as well. But once again Daddy had to awake each day to go to work and Momma did not. So when Ellie began sleeping in her own room, Momma came to HER at night. It worked out well! One bedroom for Momma and Daddy, one for Big Brother and one for Big Sister.

And then we thought, "What about the BABY?!" Where will the baby sleep? We only have three bedrooms this time around and all three are already taken! Unfortunately little one, you are due right around the time Big Brother begins ALL DAY school. And Miss Ellie will be going to pre school the following week and will need her beauty sleep as well. They have both GENEROUSLY offered to share a room with you but Momma and Daddy are being slefish and want to keep you with them for a little while! :) So we decided to place you in our room for the first few months until you are sleeping well into the morning. If you turn out to be a boy then you and Big Brother will be roomies someday. If you turn out to be a girl, then Ellie will be thrilled to share her room with you. You are so lucky to be loved so much already little baby!

And by doing things this way only you and Momma will be woken up each night and Daddy, Andrew and Ellie can sleep as needed. I don't mind AT ALL- those sweet, hazy nighttime feedings are my fondest memories of all my children and I am blessed to be able to do it again for you, sweet one. Daddy secretly moved his dresser and bookshelf into our already crammed closet while Mommy was downstairs one morning and made you a little "room" of your own. Small lamp, baby basinette and glider ready to go! Daddy very much wants to add something to the walls for you so we'll have to work on that but otherwise, make yourself at home!

Hope you like it! On Thursday I go to my favorite doctor for a listen of your precious heartbeat. I lIVE for these appointments when I get to hear you, one beat at a time. She has also asked that we agree on a date for when we will meet you in person and as of right now we have decided upon Wednesday, August 25th, 2010! That will be your birthday, sweet one! I cannot wait- it seems like that day seems so far away. I know that it will be here before we know it and my pregnancy journey will finally come to an end but I am so anxious to meet you, touch you, smell you, hold you, LOVE you. You have no idea of how truly lucky you already are.

15 weeks

Hello baby! It's been so long and I am so sorry but it is a beautiful day outside today (sunny and 63!) and I am feeling inspired! According to all of my online helpful hints you are now about 4 inches long and weigh about 1/2 an ounce. About the size of a peach. Yet I haven't felt you move in there yet. I keep thinking I feel slight flickerings but nothing for sure.

Where are you in there?

I am feeling so much better- no nausea at all now and my energy is back, except for the occasional afternoon nap I've been taking while Big Sis Ellie naps too. Last week I scheduled "The Big Ultrasound" where we not only find out how perfect you are, but whether or not you'll be perfect in pink or blue! Since we found out about you Daddy has wanted to know whether you are a boy or girl but I have been wanting to keep it a secret up until the very moment we meet you. But I have secretly decided that since Daddy can only be involved minimally right now while you are still safe in my tummy that letting him find out if you are a boy or girl is the best gift i can give him. He is anxious to plan your room (with Ellie or Andrew?), to pick a name, to buy new clothes. And I cannot refuse him because you are our last baby gift and I want Daddy to be as involved as happy with you as I already am. So kick me and let me know you approve!

The week of April 12th is our big appointment so hopefully you'll cooperate and let us know who you are in there! I have thought from the beginning that you a little boy. I see 2 boys in our family in years down the road. I see all of Andrew's favorite old clothes being worn again and I can see the sweet blue Winnie the Pooh bedding we have back in the crib that all of our children have used. But I am also confused because this pregnancy is so much more like Ellie's went- sick at night, less energetic, craving apples and chocolate. So we will see and I promise to love you either way.

Another interesting tidbit for you sweet one: at my last appointment with the doctor that is taking care of us both until you arrive she asked me to narrow down when we wanted to deliver you- essentially asking my to choose your birthday! Let me explain a little about this. Big brother Andrew came into this world in a rough way. Mommy was in labor with him when things went very wrong and we both, Andrew and I, were not doing so well. They pulled us into an emergency operating room where Mommy was put to sleep and they helped get Andrew out of my tummy before we could both get worse. That operation is what's known as a c section and once a Mommy has one of those chances are that all of that Mommy's other babies will be born the same way. I very much wanted to have all of my kids born "the natural" way but when considering my silly wants versus what would be safest for us all, Ellie was born via c section too. Which makes you our c section number three.

Now, when I saw our doctor- Dr. Alexander- she said she wanted you to be born about a week before your due date which is August 31st. She asked me if I has a date in mind and I said yes, I did. And I chose August 25th because your Daddy and I both were born on the 25th (he in December and mine in June), your brother was born on the 20th and your sister was born on the 5th. In order to make things "even" I was hoping for a date that was either a 5th, 20th or 25th and 25th it is! Unfortunately after choosing that date I found it that it is also your big brother's first day of FIRST GRADE and that I will be missing it! I am so so sad about this baby, but I know that in the long run he won't remember and you will end up with a birth date just like all of ours!

So that is all the news! 15 weeks along, feeling good and hoping to get great new pictures of you soon. Keep growing in there, know that we all love you very much (Andrew likes to kiss my belly at night and say "Goodnight Midgie") and Mommy will hopefully be able to write more memories for you soon! I love you little one!

After some time has passed I now feel confident enough in writing and celebrating the reason I began this blog: for Midgie. When I found out there could have been two babies but only found one I lost sight of what my goal was, what my hope was- for a healthy baby. And I have that. Midgie is healthy and right on track, due for ultrasound number two on Wednesday February 17th. I mourned the loss of what might have been. I took the time I needed to be sad. And now I am happy, anxious, nervous, thrilled, overjoyed and most importantly, pleased.

Midgie was my goal all along and now that I have found him or her again I won't lose sight of the birth of my precious third and final child. I love you baby. I cannot wait for that first kiss in the delivery room, to hear your first angry cry, see if you have hair like your sister did (SO much!), to see your Daddy's face when he holds you, to nurse you for the first time, to have your tiny little finger wrapped around mine, to gaze into your brand new eyes, to smell your innocent smell, to tackle that first diaper, that first quiet, semi dark night in the hospital when we are alone and you have my complete and utter attention and amazement.

I cannot wait for you to meet your Grammie and Grandpa, your Nana and Papa. I cannot wait for Andrew to look at you but for Ellie to HOLD you- she is so anxious for you to be here! I can't wait to snap you into that HUGE carseat and marvel at how tiny you are. To bring you home and place in you in the sweet bassinet that was your big sister's.

I cannot wait for those midnight cries that bring me to your side and that quiet swallow of you being fed with me holding you tightly. The sign of contentment you'll make when you are dry, warm, fed and LOVED.

I cannot WAIT, sweet baby.