Funny Memories

Since this blog is serving as my journal of sorts until I can find one I like enough to record in for the baby, I am hereby notifying all of its readers that I cannot be held responsible for it's quirky and sometimes disturbing entries. Case in point:

While every baby efficiando knows that the more babies the better, I have come to the realization that one at a time is the best route for me and my family. Since discovering I was pregnant I have been CONSUMED with the thought that there may be two little "wombmates" resting in there, safely tucked away until their first picture (scheduled for Jan 21!). Little things that most likely mean nothing have meant so much more- early VERY positive pregnancy test, much more nausea and much earlier too, etc. I have been thinking, "What if, what if?" How will I be able to nurse more than one baby at a time when my two prior attempts have failed at nursing only one at a time (Andrew had a severe dairy allergy and Ellie -stubborn little angel- wouldn't latch properly)? How will we afford cribs, cookies and college for 4 children? Andrew had his day in the sun, as did Ellie to an extent. How will I give each of them the individual attention they need and deserve when I have two (sometimes three) other babies to care for?

So many questions. I have to admit that thought of sleeping in that hospital bed with two little bodies cradled on top of me comes as close to nervana as I could ever imagine. Two smiles, two laughs, two outfits, four tiny baby feet! It's enough to make me giddy! But then reality sets in and I wish for nothing more than a healthy child- one or more, boy or girl, just HEALTHY.

As my gal pals keep saying, "stop worrying!" So I will for now. Until then I anxiously await my first appointment, our first glimpse and my first and last peek at a baby to be- my ultimate goal for the next 8 months.

But the REASON behind all this twin nonsense? Of course, a pregnancy dream. This is how my "twin inkling" first began: I am in the office of my OB- Dr. Alexander whom I ADORE. I would have a baby a year just to keep seeing her. LOVE HER. She begins my first ultrasound and there, on the screen is not one but two perfect little balls of love. Fuzzy and not even baby resembling yet though I see two rhythmic flutterings of two perfect little hearts. I catch my breath and she says, answering an earlier question of why I felt my belly was so big already "Um... because there are two in there, kiddo." I pause, she pauses and then I begin to cry. I'm happy, I'm relieved, I'm scared- you name it. Lying there in all my half naked glory I sob my heart out. After what seems like forever she takes my hand like a friend and tells me that I am BLESSED and I calm down and believe her. She is RIGHT. She straightens up and takes on The Doctor Role and tells me that she is happy for me, that everything looks perfect and that she has few concerns for my well being in the next coming months. And then she drops the bombshell...

Because of Andrew's tramatic birth, my fast c section and the baby we lost long ago before our little girl was born I am considered "high risk." Now that I carry twins, that "high risk" goes higher. Dr. Alexander explains gently that I am her 12th patient she has diagnosed this month with having a multiples birth. Because of this, and the risks I now carry, she feels it would be safer to pass me over to her new partner- a doctor not only who specializes in risky pregnancies, but who has a GREAT DEAL of experience with multiples. I am devasted, and she sees this. But I trust her, I LOVE her for all she has done and so I agree to meet the new doctor.

Dr. Alexander smiles and presses a red button next to her. A soft knock at the door tells me that my new savior is coming in to meet me. Not in the most disgnified position imaginable I cover my legs with the flimsy sheet and straighten up as much as possible to greet my new partner in crime and in walks KATE GOSSELIN in a white coat with her belly HUGELY extended telling me, "Hi! I'm having triplets the same week you are delivering! We'll be neighbors in the maternity ward! Until then, you and I are going to be great friends through all of this. Now let's get to work!"

Now tell me, wouldn't YOU be a little nervous at this point?