The Night Before...

So here we are- the night before my last "first" ultrasound and peek at baby number 3. I am so nervous tonight that I can't sleep. So many things are popping when I should be fizzling: will there be one baby or two (like I've been dreaming)? Is there something wrong with me? With baby? Why the exhaustion? The nausea? Will everything look ok? What is my due date? All the common questions.

But then I keep thinking can I do it again? How will Andrew do with this new sibling whom he will call brother or sister, but in reality, will he know him? Andrew starts all day school a few short days after baby is born... will they grow up together? How will this baby effect Ellie? I have no doubt she'll be Momma's helper, sometimes helping a little too much. But will she feel angry? Will she now develop the "middle child syndrome?" She's been our princess for so long, what now?

I used to marvel at Andrew's beauty- he is a beautiful child. And now, he's handsome (woe to me if I call him beautiful). And he's SMART. Smarter than he should be at this age. Is it a sign? I hope so. He is so kind, so loving and so involved in everything... so in tune. I wonder if baby will be like him, like he was. So easy to please, patient, sweet and full of laughter. Andrew was a textbook baby, will our third be like his brother?

Or like Ellie? A princess in so many ways. As a baby she was rough... well put it lightly. She's grown into a little girl now- I cannot even call her a toddler anymore. While Andrew's intellect and genuine attractiveness pull me in for Ellie it's her spirit. Firey yet sweet. I tell everyone that she narrates her way through life- Ellie finds a story in everything. And more importantly, she finds BEAUTY in everything. She can point out the smallest positive and bring it forth so it is all you see. I marvel at HER... who she is and with time and the right people to encourage that light, who she will BE.

But what of our third miracle? Who will he be like? Look like? Forever already named my "baby" he'll stay, but I am so curious to meet this little being who has turned my physical normality into chaos the past few weeks.

That beating heart means so much to me tomorrow... the promise of a dream fullfilled and the hope for the chance to make more memories with the people who make me complete- my family.

I just cannot wait. Outside tonight it is icing- the roads are covered with a slick sheet of ice and snow plows have been busy all evening attempting to lessen the danger outside. Talk among parents is "school tomorrow?" But all I can think of is my appointment at 2pm that will make the change in my life that will take me from mom of two to "family complete. Mission accomplished. Dream come TRUE."

I can't WAIT for you baby.